Sen
by let me lie to myself
Summary: James doesn't like being alone while he takes his bath, Sirius sits with him, has done a thousand times, every time he leaves aroused and frustrated. But this time something is different. SLASH


_This is just something i wrote this afternoon because i've had this idea for a while and it wouldn't leave me alone. I hope you enjoy it..._

_oh i don't own anything... except the idea obviously_

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It doesn't matter how many times he does it, it must be a thousand times by now, it still sends the same thrills of lust through his veins, still leaves him aching, and needy, clutching his hands in his trouser legs until it hurts. Of course James remains oblivious to it all, all he knows is he doesn't like being by himself when he's in the bath so it stands to reason that Sirius will be there for him.

James sighs contentedly and leans back his eyes half hidden behind dark lashes as he settles in the bath revealing to Sirius, James' long lean torso, slim powerful legs and… Sirius tears his eyes away just as he always does; it's hard enough without being confronted by what he can't have. He clears his throat and pulls his knees closer to his chest, conscious of his arousal, praying that this time his body will take pity on him, knowing that it won't because they have done this a thousand times and Sirius has never left without being painfully aroused. James always leaves first, sliding from the bath and walking towards Sirius like a god, body dripping, hair even darker then usual; only to veer off to the side at the last moment towards the towel rack, and then he turns sweeping the towel around himself and padding out into the hall to his bedroom, away from Sirius. But that won't come for a while yet, it has just begun and Sirius has a lot of hell to live through until that final blow.

James arches stretching his back before settling back against the bath again eyes closed, head thrown back a single bead of water making a slow mocking path down his long pale neck. Calling to Sirius demanding to be licked away, Sirius hates it for that, he also hates that it's on James when he cant be, he licks dry lips and swallows hard. James' head flops to the side now as it always does and his eyes rest on Sirius, the same huge pupiled gaze that he always has when he lays there.

"Fuck, I love this" James' voice is low and husky as it always is when the pleasure of the heated water seeps into him. Sirius doesn't love this, he hates it, hates the way his body strains without release, hates the way his skin prickles under James' gaze, hates the itchy heat that boils him from the inside out; and yet he loves it, he must or he wouldn't do this to himself, he could say no, he could leave… but he wont.

James blinks slowly his eyes still half lidded

"Why don't you take baths Sirius?" He doesn't really expect an answer but Sirius shrugs anyway, they have done this a thousand times before and James asks him every time. It is just part of the script now, Sirius could orchestrate the patterns the water takes on James' skin, could paint it, could sculpt it. He could destroy it, he could tell James the truth.

James sighs and looks back up at the roof for a moment before grabbing the bar of soap. James is distracted tonight, a little impatient; he wouldn't usually start with the soap so soon. Sirius has always been able to tell James' mood by the way he bathes. It doesn't seem to be giving him the usual peace tonight. He runs the soap over his skin for a moment before he sighs again laying back in the bath his arm hanging over the side, the cake of soap still clutched in his hand, beads of water weaving down his arm then dripping on the tiles.

The thud catches Sirius by surprise even as he sees it slip from between James' fingers. It shouldn't be there it doesn't belong there, they have done this a thousand times and James has never dropped the soap, he has seekers hands, seekers fingers and they don't drop things.

James is looking at him, his eyes suddenly hard.

"Why don't you take baths Sirius?" He demands and Sirius doesn't know why but he feels like James is asking him something else, he doesn't answer, just stares back at James, stares as James hooks one foot on either side of the bath so his legs are spread wide, stares as James' hand drifts down his stomach running over the places Sirius has always stopped himself looking at. His eyes flick back up to James' held by the intense darkness in the usually gentle eyes.

"Why, Sirius?" James demands again pulling harder at himself, and Sirius could swear he feels it. He's not watching but he can see James' arm moving, hear the sloshing of the water, James never looks away and Sirius wont break the gaze, even when James pores lotion on his hands one going back to his crotch moving faster again the other moving further down, Sirius knows where. James winces a little and Sirius knows why and then that arm starts moving too.

"Sirius"

It's not a question this time it's a whimpered moan. Sirius isn't sure whether it's this or the tear that runs unexpected down James' cheek somehow distinct from the water around him that has Sirius on his feet, has him freeing himself from his jeans has him climbing onto James, has him pushing his hand out of the way, has him thrusting into him in one brutal lunge that makes James scream and hook his legs tight around Sirius' waist.

Their eyes are still locked as they lay there and James plants a soft kiss against his lips, then they move, hard and fast and desperate. Because they where both oblivious, both needy and aching and both afraid that they would never have anything but dreams. It had to be hard; they had to feel it so completely that any doubts would depart. Their eyes never strayed. Sirius had to see James come, had to see himself come through James' eyes.

The water was mostly gone now either lost over the sides, or down the drain from when Sirius' foot caught on the plug. Sirius could still feel it though, in his clothes, on his skin, it reminded him of James' question and he realised that he had to answer it.

"Because I love you James" he wasn't sure that made sense but it was the truth.

James came against him and Sirius' world turned white except for a pair of eyes that held all the secrets of his heart it was intense and perfect and then it was over. He collapsed against James' shoulder, their gaze finally breaking, their breathing harsh.

James' arms wrapped around him and they lay that way together, finally.

"I love you too Sirius" his voice holds a heat Sirius has never heard before and he realises that it was never the bathes James loved. Sirius smiles honestly for the first time in a thousand, he pushes himself up on shaky arms and kisses James because a thousand bathes is enough and the next thousand they will share.

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_Hope you enjoyed it... i love reviews and they are much appreciated!_


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